A pathetic cycle.

Monday, May 25, 2009 at 5:47 AM
For tonight I am bound to write 2 entries, both that are written FIRST in my journal before blogging it here directly.

People can be so cruel, judgmental and nosy at times. They tend to let their tongues loose like a machine gun and begins to fire away even without them noticing that they are disturbing or hurting other people. They can also be manipulative. A simple thing can become sooo complex which results to misunderstanding and miscommunication.

People are gullible and deceitful at the same time. It is human nature to save themselves first before others. They will step on others just to reach their goals or just to prove their point. Or JUST to make themselves look better. Pathetic, right?

I should be the one to know because I've been there. As a victim and as a suspect. PERIOD. We can never say that we are mature enough to make the right decisions or to trust our gut feelings. We are always struggling, trying to find the answers to questions that has no answers to begin with. There is a part of us that will always be young no matter how hard we try to mature ourselves up. We are fooled by others, without us even noticing, we are also fooled by ourselves. We try to justify our actions so as to save our ass off. But the truth is... We are ALL the same. We lie. We cheat. We steal (not in a exaggerated way, of course.) and it is a shame because as much as we want to defend ourselves, it only sums up to this: People ARE cruel, judgmental, and nosy MOST of the time.

A sad little cycle in the human race.

BUFFERING... NOTHING.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009 at 7:44 AM
Expressive Aphasia.

I think I have one of those. I really find it hard allowing my thoughts cross the other side. No matter how hard I try, I always think of "ethics" or "manners" rather than expressing my own. The words exist in my mind, but I can't put it into phrases or sentences. As a result, I end up confusing other people... Even confusing myself. And here I am, unconsciously undergoing in a state of regression. Constantly trying to convince myself that this "mental inability" that I have is somehow connected with my lousy spinal discs. Blah blah blah.

Here I go again. I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF TO VOICE IT OUT.

For someone who is (a) Histrionic slash Narcissist, speaking in front is MY downfall. BUTT FUCKS.

Must love dogs.

at 6:09 AM
I had my very first Cartimar experience with Mikong, Nica and Basil. They were bound to purchase their new "baby" and as an annoying little girl I am, I invited myself to come with them. Tagging Mikong along. He he.

I swear Cartimar is a DOG LOVER'S HAVEN. With all those cute MUTTS (He he he) for a reasonable price. A few darlings caught my attention: a Dachshund, a Beagle, whatchamacalit a dog that looks like a lion? HA HA. I was thinking of "Pomeranian" pero iba pala yun ha ha. But anyway, my point is... I WANT EVERY DOG THAT'S ON SALE!!! They are sooo adorable! I just couldn't stop myself from smiling sheepishly and playing with them. Nica and Bas was able to buy their dog for only 1,800. A British shmna, crossed breed dog (I forgot what's it called, sorry!) and wait for it... Ang cute niya talaga.

I'll try to save some dough so I can buy my brother another Dachshund (In loving memory of our own, Lans Hamilton Tecson). And when I become FILTHY RICH in the future, I can assure you my glass house will be filled with those lovable creatures.

Kiss kiss kiss!

PS I'll try to sign up in PAWS or in any animal activist rights association. MUST LOVE ANIMALS!

SHUT UP STUPID BIATCH!

Thursday, May 14, 2009 at 6:05 AM
Lagi ko sinasabi sa sarili ko na HINDI na ako magiging masama lalo na sa mga tao na hindi ko kakilala. Hanggang kanina... Nasira ko yung "oath" ko na yun.

Sa review namin ngayong araw, doon ako naka-experience ng isang NURSING STUDENT na ubod ng ingay at WALANG hiya sa mga tao sa paligid niya. Isama mo pa ang mga kaibigan niya na kung makipag usap sa isa't isa (HABANG NAG RREVIEW) e akala mo nasa PALENGKE. Ni hindi man nila naisip na REVIEW ang pinasok nila at hindi para mag CHISMISAN habang nasa review. Buti sana kung may SENSE ang pinag uusapan nila, kaso WALA e. Ang puro narinig ko lang ay KA-SKWATERAN at ka-WALANG KWENTANG usapan. Hindi na talaga nahiya e, yung boses ang lakas lakas pa tapos ang LUTONG pa mag mura tapos KUNG MAKIPAG USAP SIYA SA MGA KABIGAN NIYA, E AKALA MO NAPAKA-TAAS NIYA NA URI NG TAO. Isipin niyo na lang si Regina ng Mean Girls, pero itong walang hiyang studyante na ito, e sobrang sobrang UBOD ng PANGIT at sobrang walang BREEDING!!! May lakas loob pa mag taas ng paa e JUSMIYO kami nakaupo sa harap niya. Akala mo naman ang ganda ng paa niya. Kapareho niya ang paa niya: PAREHAS SILANG PANGIT at KULUBOT.

I sweaaaaaar! Kung kayo ang nasa lagayan ko, ganito din mararamdaman niyo. Pinalaki ako ng maayos ng aking mga magulang. Hindi ko man matatawag na ELITE ang kolehiyo na napasukan ko, sa sarili ko natuto ako paano kumilos ng maayos at magkaron ng HIYA SA SARILI at RESPETO para sa ibang tao. Ngayon alam ko pa kung saan siya nag aral ng college, isa lang masasabi ko: SINISIRA NIYA ANG PANGALAN NG ESKUWELAHAN NIYA AND THAT STUPID M*THERF*CKER SHOULD LEARN HOW TO SHUT HER F*CK MOUTH UP!!!

Alam ko hindi niya ito mababasa dahil alam ko isa siyang JOLOGS. Pero kung mabasa mo man ito: WALA KANG KWENTANG KASAMA SA REVIEW. WALA KANG RESPETO SA IBANG TAO. WALANG HIYA KA. HINDI KA MARUNONG LUMUGAR NG MAAYOS. IPASOK MO SA KOKOTE MO: PUMAPASOK KA SA GAPUZ PARA MAG REVIEW AT HINDI PARA MAKIPAG USAP NA AKALA MO NASA PALENGKE KA. MAHIYA KA. AYUSIN MO ANG PAA MO. AYUSIN MO ANG UGALI MO. AYUSIN MO SARILI MO. AT KUNG PWEDE SA SUSUNOD TUMAHIMIK KA NA LANG BWISET KA! NABABASA MO?! BWISET KA TALAGA! SHUT UP BREED-LESS SON OF A BEEZWAX!

PS Isama mo na din mga kaibigan mo na walang breeding din. Pwede ba? O.O

Puddles.

Thursday, May 7, 2009 at 2:18 AM
Rain rain please stay but don't wet Freddy away.

I got up this morning hearing the sound of rain splashing through our windows and I was up and about. I instantly remembered wanting to go to school, raining everyday just to get that extra cold effect inside our classroom. Plus I've always wanted to wear my jacket(s), so that I won't look like an ORDINARY student in our ordinary crowd. Ha ha. But moving on, a lot has happened today. It was my TIME OF THE MONTH, meaning: grumpy attitude, KRUMPS (ha ha!), short-fused attention span. Thankfully Freddy was a dear when I was PMS-ing on him during the afternoon of our review. Today, we also talked about the different personality disorders, which gets me every time. As usual, I see myself having a HISTRIONIC, NARCISSIST, BORDERLINE and an OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE personality disorder(s)- all of them can be seen in my so-called personality. Teehee. So much for being a WEIRD-O.

I was able to eat manggang hilaw with bagoong in a stick today. YEHEY! Thank you Freddy and Robert for accompanying me to buy and for bearing my alamang-ish breath. HE HE HE. And lastly, I was able to do something for someONE. I decided to buy isaw and barbeque on my way home and while I was waiting for it to be cooked, I saw a stray dog, waiting for some "blessing" to come his way. So I figured of buying an extra barbeque just for him. Good thing Freddy and I was able to lure him and thus we were able to feed him. Kahit papano. :) Someday when I become FILTHY rich, I will make sure to build up shelters for those homeless animals. Someday, someday.

Phew! Tomorrow we won't be having our review, instead we are bound to attend a seminar so this gives me an excuse to watch One Tree Hill tonight. (AS IF I NEED AN EXCUSE HA HA!) That's it! Arrivederci amici!

DESICCATION.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009 at 7:27 AM
For quite some time now I have been experiencing a nagging sacral pain which was quite an unbearable feeling for me. But I was lucky enough to be referred to a good doctor at a well known hospital to check up on me.

This pain I am referring to was really excruciating. I even remember at that same day it got really painful, it made me cry like a baby and all I ever did was complain about it. But as what I've said, I am lucky enough that I was able to meet up with a doctor which examined me, prescribed me medicines and gave me an order for a MRI test. The medicines he gave me made me feel a lot better: from a stabbing, friction rubbing, 10/10 pain it was reduced to a 6/10 pain scale. Relieving my sacral area made it better as well. So just imagine, I was restricted from sitting even for 5 minutes, this "pain" would surprisingly just appear. So I had 2 options: either to stand or lie down. Now talk about living like a bum. HA HA HA.

Anyway, last April 29, I had my very first MRI experience. Nervousness - was my initial feeling. Not because I am claustrophobic but because I was nervous about my results. With what the radiologists would see. Ack. The whole test took 30 minutes, and trust me I did NOT feel comfortable at all. I wanted to sleep, to relax, but it was noisy and I was feeling cold and I was perspiring cold sweat HA HA HA. That 30 minutes felt like an hour to me, which made me realize that I should've brought my iPod with me. Is iPod considered metal? HA HA. :D

May 5, 2009 - It was time for my check up after 1 1/2 weeks. Prior to this day, I was able to read my MRI results and three terms caught my attention: desiccation, theral sac and Tarlov cyst. Kinda funny because as I was reading it, I could not understand any of them. I just wanted to barge my way into the doctors office to get my results interpreted in Layman's term RIGHT AWAY. Again, patience is one of my greatest traits and that's what we (my Dud, brother, and yours truly) did. We waited PATIENTLY for our number to be called and after a few hours... We entered the doctors clinic.

I was thinking of a worst case scenario for a few days. Something wrong with my spine, or disks even. But as I was told, your thoughts become things, so I shifted my thoughts into something else. I'd rather have my doctor say na UMAARTE LANG AKO, rather than hearing a diagnosis which my mind cannot process. He he. But as he reviewed my films... All he pointed out was that my disks WAS ALL DRIED UP. I'm like, "WOAH! Do disks dry up?" - siyempre sa utak ko lang nasabi yan. I was too shy to ask questions. So my doctor continued with his explanations. He said something about a cyst (which I pretended not to hear ha ha ha) and well yeah... My effin disks that was DRIED UP!!! - That was all there is to it. Badabing-badaboom! A very unusual thing to happen to me since I am ONLY TWENTY YEARS OLD! So I stood there, not knowing what to say, although I had a handful of questions to ask: 1. Why did the pain occur suddenly, 2. Why was the pain excruciating and unbelievably painful, 3. Why did Mefenamic Acid failed to relief me from the pain, 4. What does he mean by my disks drying up, 5. How did my disks dry up at the first place (AT PWEDE PALA IYON MANGYARI?!), 6. Are there any remedies to RE-HYDRATE MY DRIED DISKS? (HA HA! PARANG PAGKAIN LANG AMPOTA.) 7. Are there any complications?, 8. Does he have any interventions for me? ETCETERA ETCETERA. Knowing the well-mannered young lady I am, I wasn't able to ask any of these. Instead, he gave me a sheet of paper that included some accepted and not accepted postures and body alignments and some therapeutic exercises for me. I was also overshadowed by my Dud who was very relieved from my doctors words of wisdom. He reassured me that it was nothing serious (THANKFULLY!) but then again... MY DISKS ARE DRIED UP!!! - As we were about to leave, my brother asked me, "Wala ka ba itatanong?" - dito ako nagising sa katotohanan. I had a handful of questions and I need answers... NOW.

My doctor was kind enough to spare a few more minutes even though he still has other patients. So there I started bombarding him with my questions. HA HA HA. To my surprise... I wasn't able to get a concise answer. Because according to the studies he has read. Well. There wasn't much to read on. HA HA HA. OH GREAT. JUST GREAT. According to him, what I "have" is very rare and irreversible. Meaning, there isn't ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD I can do to re-hydrate my f*cking disks. - Boogum! Rubbed into my face. Ha ha ha. With no definite answers to my WHY's, WHAT's, and HOW's, I was told three things: 1. Avoid becoming OBESE (Finally! A reason to motivate me to enroll in a spinning class) 2. DO NOT SMOKE (As if I do.) and 3. Take care of my body alignment - and hopefully this "pain" that nagged me a few weeks ago won't return any time soon.

But for now. Celebrex, Tramadol, swimming, cycling and proper body alignment are my new best friends. They better not let me down. Ha ha ha.

Arrivederci amici! abbracci e baci! Ü